Thursday 30 August 2012

The Curse of Having been born Irish

I was born Irish. The label has been applied to me because I was born on a certain rock on the north western European archipelago. That simple act over which I had no control makes me a stupid drunkard. Up till now I had no idea that 70% of us Irish adults had few teeth. Teeth that are arranged like rabbits and this is due to incest! A new low has been reached in long the long dark history of human prejudices that one might reasonably have expected to have been confined to the dustbin of history.

The Irish have long since given up defending themselves from prejudices. Instead they laugh it off in keeping with their self deprecating sense of humour.

The Irish caricature does not exist in reality therefore most Irish people think that such abusive terms apply to the out-group, meaning communities that are external to one’s own that humans innately view negatively. A nation is not a single community but a collection of heterogeneous communities thus one can easily and falsely assume that attacks are being directed not at themselves and their community but at out-group communities.

Ireland has a glut of ‘two-bit’ journalists. It appears that only way to make a living in such a small island market is to write nasty sensationalist articles about social groups. These groups are chosen carefully as journalists are protected from litigation in a legal twilight zone. Desperation makes this especially true of freelancers. Even German journalists living in Ireland are not immune from the tough economic reality and the temptation subconsciously allows imaginary figments free reign.

I imagine it would be very hard to prove to a court one’s personal losses due to being negatively caricatured because of one’s nationality. It would appear to be a convenient loophole two-bit journalists exploit. Even in cases of blatant racism expressed against a large group like a nation it appears that individuals or communities never sue or take class action. Therefore one has to as the question can one take an attack on a supposed national character as a personal insult? If one can then surely this opens up the door to litigation. The resultant flood of cases could of course cause chaos and the court authorities would be keen to avoid and may well nip such actions in the bud. In the meantime we just have to take insults on the personal and national chin.

Antje Joel previously better known as Antje Potthoff is a German national who lives in Ballygar on the border of counties Galway and Roscommon, Ireland.

In late August 2012 Potthoff/Joel wrote a scathing attack on the Irish nation which was published in the Swiss magazine Die Welt Woche.

Here is a little sample of what she wrote:

“young couples have been advised by the government over the last few years to have an DNA test done before marriage, in order to prevent a further spread of this dental deformity.” [Due to incest]

“70% of the adult population has hardly any teeth in their mouth the teeth they do have are narrowly aligned like those of rabbits.”

“Ireland is a (mostly grey) island? Far, very far out in the Atlantic. Isolated from the rest of the world. Think of the hidden regions in the Amazon delta.”

“The Irish are the cuddly alcoholics”. Later she admits to frequenting dingy pubs which she “would never have put a foot into in Germany” to engage in a conversation with an Irish Friend to discuss the Irish screwing one another.

(Note: above quotes are taken from a translation of the original article by Cork 96FM. Available

I have searched the Irish statute book and the citizens Information website and I can find no evidence to support the allegation that the Irish Government is/was advising couples to have a DNA test done before marriage to prevent incestuous couplings. Furthermore I have no memory of the government advising us of this fact and it is so ridiculous that the sanity of anyone using this in a serious article must be called into question. This is a fiction used to imply that the master race is so pure that they have no need of orthodontists.

I must have met thousands and thousands of Irish people over my lifetime and I never would have guessed that “70% of the adult population has hardly any teeth in their mouth, or that the teeth they do have are narrowly aligned like those of rabbits”. Again this statement could easily be tested for truthfulness and any case for liable would have a great chance of success (I hope).

I am off to look a rabbit in the mouth and compare its teeth to all the adults I know. I am having a DNA test in the morning to make sure I am not married to my sister. I will quit listening to diddle di di music as it is hard on both my brain and my legs! To Antje Joel Irish Traditional music is “Psycho Diddelidi”.

The former editor of the Irish Times Geraldine Kennedy once stated in a radio interview [journalism] is in a pretty sorry state I think today [...] there has been a gross erosion of standards. Unfortunately for the world of journalism Antje Joel is not alone.

Sunday 12 June 2011

The Irish Constitution brought down Greece and the world.

Do you remember the RTÉ documentary “Aftershock”? The promo for the programme promised us comment from four of our most astute commentators. Justine McCarthy argued that the cause of our current financial crisis was Bunreacht na hÉireann – the Irish Constitution. I wonder if it was the cause of Iceland’s crisis. Perhaps the Greeks had been surreptitiously using the Irish constitution.

If McCarthy’s argument is to hold water, we are forced to draw the conclusion that the Irish constitution must be responsible for the global economic meltdown. Pass me the shovel.

Sunday 5 June 2011

Good Bye to New Visions, Bon Voyage

New to the ranks of journalism is Eamonn Blaney son of the late Neil T. Blaney TD. Recently in the national news papers he recalled his time as recalcitrant youth arguing with his father over matters political. Eamonn blames Irish society for the current financial crisis. He promised to lead us with a “New Vision” (Fís Nua) if we elected him. The voters rejected him, the banks rejected his loan application, and his business venture failed to get off the ground. There is no shame in any of these failures but Eamonn has decided to leave Ireland and as a parting shot he takes a swipe at Irish Society. I decided to wish him bon voyage through his blog and discovered his youthful recalcitrance has blossomed into belligerence and we discover he is under the impression that one of his appendices is bigger than mine.

I recall from memory (therefore paraphrasing here) that Eamonn stated on national radio that he and those standing for election under the umbrella of “New Vision / Fís Nua” had more degrees and master degrees than everyone in the Oireachtas put together. It appeared to be a bold claim at the time but none the less we listened intently to their utterances so we could build a picture for our mind’s eye to envision, a new vision, fís nua. However, nothing new emerged, only the same old descriptions long worn out by the political pundits. What emerged was a clichéd internet analogy of Ireland 2.0. The foundations of this entity were to be based on sovereign default, leaving the Euro currency, linking up with the pound sterling and voting him into parliament. No matter how incoherent the reader/listener thought his argument, we were supposed to believe he had the competence to be a TD because he held a MBA (Master of Business) degree. Thus he keenly appends the letters MBA to his name to bolster his claim of intellectual superiority. It appears he had neglected to examine the role of highly academically qualified people in causing the financial crisis.

To give him credit, he is moderator of his own blog and he therefore has to approve comments before they appear and he published my critical comments. That is, all but one....

Eamonn it has occurred to me that I may have been a little harsh on you. You must be going through a great personal trauma at the moment. I hope that if you understand these points you can move on to great things. I want to explain to you, why I think you’re ire is being misdirected and thus ineffectual.

The entire western (if not the world) economic system is in crisis, some areas have been hit worse than others like Ireland. The property bubble was our first speculative collapse. Most other countries have suffered speculative collapses in the past, for example Tulip mania in the Netherlands, the dot com burst, the 1980s property crash in England ad inf.

Most countries in the western world are not run by politicians they are run by oligarchs who surreptitiously pull the strings of politicians. (Think about it!) No politician, no matter how dictatorial, can stand up to the pressure. Furthermore when a neighbouring country deregulates and a boom in business and employment follows, it is realistically impossible for politicians to resist the pressure not to follow suit and deregulate their banks, financial services and industry. Politicians inclined towards sensible resistance will stand accused of stifling jobs, economic growth and prosperity for the nation. As each nation thus falls, the race to the bottom accelerates and always leads to bust. Academia cheered on the madness with crazy mathematical formulae and frankly economic theories worthy of nothing more than ridicule. The only area academic of study that correctly predicted the bust was history because boom and bust cycles have been a feature of western economies for hundreds of years. We can conclude that academic degrees, master degrees and PhDs are no inoculation against the virus they call stupidity.

Each young generation has forgotten that the previous generations learned hard lessons. In an effort to ensure that such events are never repeated they introduced regulations. Regan and Thatcher started the deregulation cycle that caused the current bust.

Irish people are not faulty; the Irish electorate is not to blame. Turkeys given a choice, will not vote for Christmas. Humans will not vote themselves poor. They will take a chance and hope for the best. Understand these points and you might be able to analyse the problems, apportion the blame where it really lies and advocate a course of action that is likely to bring about positive change.

We all know what went wrong, the time for recrimination is past; it is time to rebuild by each of us pulling together and helping one another out. I have visions of you doing what many Irish people have done before you, going to live in London where they write articles for Irish newspapers with a poison pen. Regrets and recriminations only hurt your soul and the souls of those wronged by them.

Your comments and suggestions are welcome, even critical comments. 

Friday 25 March 2011

Pat Kenny - Drunkards - Source of Ireland's Crisis.

The Frontline 21-3-2011 - RTE Player 21:46
Pat Kenny:[1] “There is another problem which is for another day but alcohol seems to be central to everything we do and that is right from the top to the bottom and it does affect the quality of our decision making.”

So let’s look at some of the people that carry some responsibility for the current financial crisis and see if you can pick out the drunkards.

John Hurley, Michael Neary, Eugene Sheey, Brian Goggins, Dennis Casey, Dr Michael Walsh, Michael Fingleton, Sean Fitzpatrick, David Drumm, Dept. of Finance, the entire Boards of the following AIB Plc, BOI Plc, Anglo Irish Bank Corp., Irish Life and Permanent Plc, Irish Nationwide Building Society and of the Educational Building Society. Were they all piss heads, as Pat Kenny suggests?

Time Magazine blames the following 25 people for the Financial Crisis: Angelo Mozilo, Phil Gramm, Alan Greenspan, Chris Cox, American Consumers, Hank Paulson, Joe Cassano, Ian McCarthy, Frank Raines, Kathleen Corbet, Dick Fuld, Marion and Herb Sandler, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Stan O'Neal, Wen Jiabao, David Lereah, John Devaney, Bernie Madoff, Lew Ranieri, Burton Jablin, Fred Goodwin, Sandy Weill, David Oddsson and Jimmy Cayne.

I wonder if there is a drink culture in these organisations?

Fannie May, Freddie Mac, AIG, Lehman Brothers, Royal Bank of Scotland, Northern Rock, Hypo Real Estate, Standard & Poor’s, Moody’s, Fitch Ratings, Goldman Sachs and many more.

Not to forgetting the Gaussian Copula (mathematical formula for evaluating risk), the real alcoholic substance that got all the financial Gurus drunk.

Could it be that Pat was just the victim of the oldest prejudice? A nation prejudiced against itself, the curse of being born Irish.

[1] responding to comments from John Mooney Security correspondent of the Sunday Times on culture of corruption.

Tuesday 31 August 2010

The International Lawyer Games

The games take inspiration from the Paddy Games which were founded by a lawyer. Making fun of the lower orders is one of the more noble pursuits that the pretensions classes can engage in. Egalitarianism is for wimps but not for lawyers.

The games will consist of a series of eight events closely associated with the professional activities of lawyers. The games provide a unique opportunity for lawyers from around the globe to demonstrate their undoubted intellectual prowess, for all the world to see. The games are the brain child of Sir Paddy Magoo and Lord Muckrake, whom we are eternally grateful for their patronage and sponsorship.

Ambulance chasing
Irish lawyers are world renowned for their abilities to chase ambulances therefore the race will be run on a handicap system. Irish lawyers will have to chase ambulances while wearing wellies tied to another Irish lawyer in a three legged fashion. The organisers reserve the right to apply handicap weights if during preliminary trials, Irish lawyers are still found to have an unfair advantage.

Air Ambulance Chase
We are pleased to announce that Total Bull have agreed to sponsor the Air Ambulance Chase. This is the first time in the world that lawyers will be openly able to compete for business while chasing accident victims in an aircraft flown by Dasterdly and Mutley. The organisers acknowledge that without Total Bull this event would not be possible. Please support our sponsor by believing in Total Bull - it keeps a cows happy.

King's Inns
The Kings Inns was so named in honour of King Henry VIII. The International Lawyer Games are pleased to continue the tradition of honour and celebrate the King's achievements by running a number of events.

Spouse Removal

Competitors will be set the task of figuring out how to use common law to legally murder one's spouse. The winner will receive a substantial pension, a knighthood and the right to graze sheep in Blackhall place.

Convert the Blackguard
As the word Inn means a hostelry or a tavern, people will be invited in off the street with tempted by the offer of free drink. Lawyers will then demonstrate their intellectual prowess and powers of persuasion while plying the invitees with drink. Competitors will attempt to convert the invitees to Protestantism. The winner will be the person whom in the opinion of the judges needed less drink to persuade the persuadee. Nota Bene: If invitees/blackguards are reluctant to convert, beatings and other forms of physical violence will only be allowed to take place in the back alley.

Horse Hair Wig Making
Traditionally the wigs worn by lawyers are made out of horse hair. Participants will have to shave the hair from a horses tail, make it into a wig and place it on a horse's ass of their choosing. The winner will be the person whom in the opinion of the judges makes a wig that best suits the horse's ass wearing it.

Sub Section Chase
As there is no money in clarity in the law and consequently little need for lawyers, obfuscation is the best method of creating sustainable jobs for lawyers. Readers of statute books are abundantly au fait with the subsection chase which goes as follows. A text refers the reader to see section 36, sub section 12, paragraph 5 (a), which in turn refers to section 24, sub section 2, paragraph 12 (d), which in turn refers to section 1, sub section 3, paragraph 42 (f). Participants will have to follow one particular course through the statute books following one reference at a time sequentially. At the end of the sub section chase those participants that find that the law has been repealed will be gunged. The winner is the last person to be gunged.

Eternal Mourning
Irish lawyers to this very day wear black in mourning for Queen Anne who died in 1714. Under her reign most of the penal laws were enacted. After nearly 300 years wailing Irish lawyers are therefore most deserved of their reputation as the worlds best mourners. Hence it is not possible to have participants from outside Ireland as the Irish have an unfair advantage. This event will be a display event for Irish Lawyers only. The winner will be the lawyer who in the opinion of the judges performed the best wail while simultaneously cursing the repeal of the penal laws.

Bonkers Bankers
Each lawyer will be given a residential property of equal value one week prior to the start of the games. Each competitor must seek multiple mortgages from financial institutions secured on this one property. In a game reminiscent of 'Trump This' each competitor must reveal each mortgage sequentially and try to trump the quantity and value of their rivals mortgages. The winner will be the participant that in the opinion of the judges secured the greatest number of mortgages with the greatest combined value.

We promise a most entertaining and enlightening weekend at the first International Lawyer Games we hope you can join us. Remember watch your wallet at all times.

Sunday 11 July 2010

How to Spot a Plastic Journalist

In response to an article in Irish Independent by Darragh McManus Wednesday June 23 2010. I have devised a test to help people to distinguish between real journalism and the musings of the retarded otherwise known as Plastic Journalists.

Typically Plastic Journalists do
  1. Think that the Beano has better pictures than the Book of Kells.
  2. Call their parents ignorant to endear themselves to their new but vacuous cohort.
  3. Think that German cuisine is American as they stuff their cake hole with burgers.
  4. Look down their nose at others to cover-up their lack of social status.
  5. Divert attention from themselves by calling others drunkards.
  6. Think that place names imposed by the English on Ireland are Irish.
  7. The Fír Bolg are their friends - Heavy drinking, pot bellied, wanabe rugger buggers.
  8. When looking for an example of a drunken ugly Irishman pick an Englishman in error.
  9. Have sold themselves as debt slaves because desire is more powerful than a calculator.
  10. Slag the Irish Language because it is the exemplification of one of their many intellectual shortcomings.
  11. Think that people give Guinness to a Horse. If they did, wouldn’t we have a lot of happy horses and less hung-over journalists?
  12. Their ass is the only entity that can tell the difference between Hiberno English and Hiberno Latin and speak both.
  13. Attended school but were too disinterested to learn and therefore are reliant on prejudice rather than critical thinking.
  14. Think that a DNA Helix is a theatre of war where Eamonn Dumphy used to interrogate suspects.
  15. At journalism school they never read Finnegan’s Wake because it was too much like home work and they might be in danger of acquiring knowledge.
  16. Have such a poor grasp of history that they think that the Irish famine was caused by the failure of the potato crop.
  17. Are considering leaving the country to hide the shame of their personal failures but the blame lies with others.
  18. Slag boozy Ireland but ignore any statistics that show the Irish are not the worst boozers.
  19. Divert attention from their own begrudgery by begrudging their nation its nationhood.
  20. Denounce the merriment of St. Patrick's Day in favour of the sobriety of a Ku Klux Clan festival.
  21. Think that the song Danny Boy is about Dan Boyle’s obsession with water pipes.
  22. Worked as a wedding waiter asking people questions like Beef or Salmon and now it has got stuck in their phonological loop.
  23. Suffer from delusions of grandeur, symptomatic of inferiority complex overcompensation.
Your comments and suggestions are welcome
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