In response to an article in Irish Independent by Darragh McManus Wednesday June 23 2010. I have devised a test to help people to distinguish between real journalism and the musings of the retarded otherwise known as Plastic Journalists.
Typically Plastic Journalists do
- Think that the Beano has better pictures than the Book of Kells.
- Call their parents ignorant to endear themselves to their new but vacuous cohort.
- Think that German cuisine is American as they stuff their cake hole with burgers.
- Look down their nose at others to cover-up their lack of social status.
- Divert attention from themselves by calling others drunkards.
- Think that place names imposed by the English on Ireland are Irish.
- The Fír Bolg are their friends - Heavy drinking, pot bellied, wanabe rugger buggers.
- When looking for an example of a drunken ugly Irishman pick an Englishman in error.
- Have sold themselves as debt slaves because desire is more powerful than a calculator.
- Slag the Irish Language because it is the exemplification of one of their many intellectual shortcomings.
- Think that people give Guinness to a Horse. If they did, wouldn’t we have a lot of happy horses and less hung-over journalists?
- Their ass is the only entity that can tell the difference between Hiberno English and Hiberno Latin and speak both.
- Attended school but were too disinterested to learn and therefore are reliant on prejudice rather than critical thinking.
- Think that a DNA Helix is a theatre of war where Eamonn Dumphy used to interrogate suspects.
- At journalism school they never read Finnegan’s Wake because it was too much like home work and they might be in danger of acquiring knowledge.
- Have such a poor grasp of history that they think that the Irish famine was caused by the failure of the potato crop.
- Are considering leaving the country to hide the shame of their personal failures but the blame lies with others.
- Slag boozy Ireland but ignore any statistics that show the Irish are not the worst boozers.
- Divert attention from their own begrudgery by begrudging their nation its nationhood.
- Denounce the merriment of St. Patrick's Day in favour of the sobriety of a Ku Klux Clan festival.
- Think that the song Danny Boy is about Dan Boyle’s obsession with water pipes.
- Worked as a wedding waiter asking people questions like Beef or Salmon and now it has got stuck in their phonological loop.
- Suffer from delusions of grandeur, symptomatic of inferiority complex overcompensation.
